Thursday, July 29, 2010
Conversations: Living
Conversations: Living: "I write not out of despair but ,of joyful recognition that I am blessed...fortunate to be alive and living... I know of many people who pret..."
Conversations: Regrets : an open letter to a great friend
Conversations: Regrets : an open letter to a great friend: "Life is difficult enough without living it full of regret... A close friend of mine said that she regrets the way her life turned out. Blame..."
Regrets : an open letter to a great friend
Life is difficult enough without living it full of regret... A close friend of mine said that she regrets the way her life turned out. Blamed herself for not giving her children the lives they ought to have.
Like me, she's a single mother of two. Unlike her, I don't regret the life I have. I refuse to wallow in the could have beens. I do not allow myself to be swallowed by the past. I will not be imprisoned by mistakes and failures. Hearbreak, pain, anger and hate are shackles that bind people in the past. Letting go is empowering. Let go of the past. Get over the hurt.
Believe in the healing power of forgiveness. Learn to forgive. Forgive the people that hurt you. Then, forgive yourself. Dwelling in the past would not change it. It happened, it's done. There's a purpose to it all, you just need to see it. But how could you? When you are blinded by misery and pain. Let go! Learn from the past, don't live and relive them.
My life isn't perfect. It's complicated, unconventional... Yet, it is interesting, happy. I made it my incessant goal to be happy. Admittedly, I've made a lot of mistakes, terrible decisions but, that does not make me a horrible person. That makes me human.
My friend, do not beat yourself up. Do not blame yourself for the nonexistent relationships of your kids with their fathers. We can not be responsible for other people's irresponsibility. But, consider the power you hold over your children. You are responsible for how they will feel about their fathers and their lack of presence in their lives. You are responsible for how you make your kids feel about their lives. Do not make them think that they are lacking and missing much, that they are different, that their lives could've been better - society is already doing a great job at that. How you feel about your life, impacts how your children feel about you, your life and their future. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The pity party has gone on for sooo long, and it has not helped much.
There's nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with your life. Yes, it's messy, it's different. So what?... Clean the mess you've made out of your life. Behind the clutter - you'll see things from your past that you may need. Dust it, clean it, then put it on display. After all, all things that are valuable and beautiful should be look at. Look at it and remind yourself of all the great things in life. You'll realize, your life wasn't that bad. So, what if it's different? Celebrate the difference. After all, not all are given the chance to live a life like yours!... Consider it a compliment, a privilege. Consider it a long adventure, discover what it has to offer. Experience its pleasures, grieve its defeats... Live! Enjoy! Breathe! Love! Laugh!...cry (as often as you need)..then laugh again! Live! Enjoy! LLLLLLOOOOVE...
Believe in the innate goodness of all human beings. Remain hopeful. Trust that people do change, and that time heals all wounds. No matter how horrible your exes were, how badly they've hurt you, how much you actually hate them (forgive,my friend!) - NEVER badmouth your exes to your children, ALWAYS tell your kids that their fathers do love them (they do, you know), OFTEN remind your children of the great qualities that their dads have (i'm sure you'll find a few).
It's time to look forward. Forgive. Move on. Don't let your past ruin your present, and hinder a wonderful future. It's an adventure, my friend. Get excited!
Like me, she's a single mother of two. Unlike her, I don't regret the life I have. I refuse to wallow in the could have beens. I do not allow myself to be swallowed by the past. I will not be imprisoned by mistakes and failures. Hearbreak, pain, anger and hate are shackles that bind people in the past. Letting go is empowering. Let go of the past. Get over the hurt.
Believe in the healing power of forgiveness. Learn to forgive. Forgive the people that hurt you. Then, forgive yourself. Dwelling in the past would not change it. It happened, it's done. There's a purpose to it all, you just need to see it. But how could you? When you are blinded by misery and pain. Let go! Learn from the past, don't live and relive them.
My life isn't perfect. It's complicated, unconventional... Yet, it is interesting, happy. I made it my incessant goal to be happy. Admittedly, I've made a lot of mistakes, terrible decisions but, that does not make me a horrible person. That makes me human.
My friend, do not beat yourself up. Do not blame yourself for the nonexistent relationships of your kids with their fathers. We can not be responsible for other people's irresponsibility. But, consider the power you hold over your children. You are responsible for how they will feel about their fathers and their lack of presence in their lives. You are responsible for how you make your kids feel about their lives. Do not make them think that they are lacking and missing much, that they are different, that their lives could've been better - society is already doing a great job at that. How you feel about your life, impacts how your children feel about you, your life and their future. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The pity party has gone on for sooo long, and it has not helped much.
There's nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with your life. Yes, it's messy, it's different. So what?... Clean the mess you've made out of your life. Behind the clutter - you'll see things from your past that you may need. Dust it, clean it, then put it on display. After all, all things that are valuable and beautiful should be look at. Look at it and remind yourself of all the great things in life. You'll realize, your life wasn't that bad. So, what if it's different? Celebrate the difference. After all, not all are given the chance to live a life like yours!... Consider it a compliment, a privilege. Consider it a long adventure, discover what it has to offer. Experience its pleasures, grieve its defeats... Live! Enjoy! Breathe! Love! Laugh!...cry (as often as you need)..then laugh again! Live! Enjoy! LLLLLLOOOOVE...
Believe in the innate goodness of all human beings. Remain hopeful. Trust that people do change, and that time heals all wounds. No matter how horrible your exes were, how badly they've hurt you, how much you actually hate them (forgive,my friend!) - NEVER badmouth your exes to your children, ALWAYS tell your kids that their fathers do love them (they do, you know), OFTEN remind your children of the great qualities that their dads have (i'm sure you'll find a few).
It's time to look forward. Forgive. Move on. Don't let your past ruin your present, and hinder a wonderful future. It's an adventure, my friend. Get excited!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Living
I write not out of despair but ,of joyful recognition that I am blessed...fortunate to be alive and living... I know of many people who pretend to live but, are far from being alive... they exert so much effort just to go thru the motions that they forgot what living truly means... that to live you must think, do and feel... think freely, do diligently and feel deeply...
I have lost so much the past year... a best friend, a friend, a lover... a home... it was easy to be angry. It was easy to cucumb to pain. It was easy to drown myself in tears and in misery but, easy is not a way out. Easy is not what life is all about.
I have learned what it takes and means to be brave. Brave during difficult times, when everything in you wishes to give up but, you find the strength to fight. Brave enough to give up and walk away. Move on and not hold on to a dream that never was. To seek the truth and live with it, that is brave.
My truth is... I still mourn everything and everyone that I have lost. I grieve for the empty spaces they left behind and weep for the deafening silence. Although, the grieving never stops, the pain subsides and you find new reason to hope, strive, love and rejoice. I could bravely and gratefully say that by losing them and what they meant in my life, I have gained more than I can possibly imagine. I found me in the embers of fire that threatened to destroy my inner self. I created new frienships, built new dreams. God has allowed me to lose all that I thought I knew so, I could gain everything I need to know.
People are surprised why I am able to laugh. How can I smile during the troubled times? Where do I draw the stregth? The storm has not passed and the rain shows no sign of stopping. Despite everything that has transpired and everything that is bound to happen, I chose to be strong, bold...brave. I remain steadfast in my faith. And though, it may suprise many, I believe that I am what I am and I am what I have become becuase of him that ceaselessly watches over me. I trust that I will not be tested beyond what I cannot bear. I trust that he has plans to only prosper me and not harm me. All these are simply a test of faith... a nudge... a reminder.
I refuse to succumb to life's partialities and unfair shakes. I would not be beaten by the tribulations that ceaselessly find me. As I live my life, a life well-lived, I am hopeful that I continue to be unafraid to hope, to love, to build new friendships. I pray that I am able to stack up on the laughter and happy memories so, when sorrow comes (and it will), I can reach deep inside me and find the courage to fight... find the strength to hope , find a reason to smile.
I have lost so much the past year... a best friend, a friend, a lover... a home... it was easy to be angry. It was easy to cucumb to pain. It was easy to drown myself in tears and in misery but, easy is not a way out. Easy is not what life is all about.
I have learned what it takes and means to be brave. Brave during difficult times, when everything in you wishes to give up but, you find the strength to fight. Brave enough to give up and walk away. Move on and not hold on to a dream that never was. To seek the truth and live with it, that is brave.
My truth is... I still mourn everything and everyone that I have lost. I grieve for the empty spaces they left behind and weep for the deafening silence. Although, the grieving never stops, the pain subsides and you find new reason to hope, strive, love and rejoice. I could bravely and gratefully say that by losing them and what they meant in my life, I have gained more than I can possibly imagine. I found me in the embers of fire that threatened to destroy my inner self. I created new frienships, built new dreams. God has allowed me to lose all that I thought I knew so, I could gain everything I need to know.
People are surprised why I am able to laugh. How can I smile during the troubled times? Where do I draw the stregth? The storm has not passed and the rain shows no sign of stopping. Despite everything that has transpired and everything that is bound to happen, I chose to be strong, bold...brave. I remain steadfast in my faith. And though, it may suprise many, I believe that I am what I am and I am what I have become becuase of him that ceaselessly watches over me. I trust that I will not be tested beyond what I cannot bear. I trust that he has plans to only prosper me and not harm me. All these are simply a test of faith... a nudge... a reminder.
I refuse to succumb to life's partialities and unfair shakes. I would not be beaten by the tribulations that ceaselessly find me. As I live my life, a life well-lived, I am hopeful that I continue to be unafraid to hope, to love, to build new friendships. I pray that I am able to stack up on the laughter and happy memories so, when sorrow comes (and it will), I can reach deep inside me and find the courage to fight... find the strength to hope , find a reason to smile.
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