Life is difficult enough without living it full of regret... A close friend of mine said that she regrets the way her life turned out. Blamed herself for not giving her children the lives they ought to have.
Like me, she's a single mother of two. Unlike her, I don't regret the life I have. I refuse to wallow in the could have beens. I do not allow myself to be swallowed by the past. I will not be imprisoned by mistakes and failures. Hearbreak, pain, anger and hate are shackles that bind people in the past. Letting go is empowering. Let go of the past. Get over the hurt.
Believe in the healing power of forgiveness. Learn to forgive. Forgive the people that hurt you. Then, forgive yourself. Dwelling in the past would not change it. It happened, it's done. There's a purpose to it all, you just need to see it. But how could you? When you are blinded by misery and pain. Let go! Learn from the past, don't live and relive them.
My life isn't perfect. It's complicated, unconventional... Yet, it is interesting, happy. I made it my incessant goal to be happy. Admittedly, I've made a lot of mistakes, terrible decisions but, that does not make me a horrible person. That makes me human.
My friend, do not beat yourself up. Do not blame yourself for the nonexistent relationships of your kids with their fathers. We can not be responsible for other people's irresponsibility. But, consider the power you hold over your children. You are responsible for how they will feel about their fathers and their lack of presence in their lives. You are responsible for how you make your kids feel about their lives. Do not make them think that they are lacking and missing much, that they are different, that their lives could've been better - society is already doing a great job at that. How you feel about your life, impacts how your children feel about you, your life and their future. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The pity party has gone on for sooo long, and it has not helped much.
There's nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with your life. Yes, it's messy, it's different. So what?... Clean the mess you've made out of your life. Behind the clutter - you'll see things from your past that you may need. Dust it, clean it, then put it on display. After all, all things that are valuable and beautiful should be look at. Look at it and remind yourself of all the great things in life. You'll realize, your life wasn't that bad. So, what if it's different? Celebrate the difference. After all, not all are given the chance to live a life like yours!... Consider it a compliment, a privilege. Consider it a long adventure, discover what it has to offer. Experience its pleasures, grieve its defeats... Live! Enjoy! Breathe! Love! Laugh!...cry (as often as you need)..then laugh again! Live! Enjoy! LLLLLLOOOOVE...
Believe in the innate goodness of all human beings. Remain hopeful. Trust that people do change, and that time heals all wounds. No matter how horrible your exes were, how badly they've hurt you, how much you actually hate them (forgive,my friend!) - NEVER badmouth your exes to your children, ALWAYS tell your kids that their fathers do love them (they do, you know), OFTEN remind your children of the great qualities that their dads have (i'm sure you'll find a few).
It's time to look forward. Forgive. Move on. Don't let your past ruin your present, and hinder a wonderful future. It's an adventure, my friend. Get excited!
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